Ignoring is one of the oldest kinds of emotional violence. Point of view of psychologists

Ignoring is one of the mostthe widespread ways to protect the psychological level of a person or circumstances, as well as the way to punish another person. Often there is an expression: "Ignoring is one of the oldest kinds of emotional violence". Let's talk about this in more detail.

What includes the notion of "ignoring"

First of all, ignoring is (inpsychology) avoidance. A person realizes the presence of unpleasant effects, but decides not to pay attention to it. He remembers the troubles, realizes their presence, and simply tries to do so that in any case not to intersect with factors that can deliver information on the ignored occasion. This can happen intentionally: the girl "does not notice" the guy who has bothered with his courtship or something like that. But there are situations where a person unconsciously moves away from the problem.

The best painless option, or ignoring is one of the oldest types of emotional abuse?

There are options when ignoring can help inlife situations, and when it acts in the absolutely opposite direction. Do not focus on small everyday problems that can not lead to serious consequences. Remember that ignoring is a kind of emotional abuse if the child has stained clothes on the street. What is more important to you - your little man or some rag of rag?

Appropriateness of ignoring

For example, my mother-in-law responded rudely toquestion of the daughter-in-law. It is worth considering whether this is a typical behavior or a person is tired, irritated and does not control his behavior. If the latter, then why focus on this and respond to aggression aggression. It would be more reasonable to miss rudeness by ear. But if this is the norm for the aforementioned mother-in-law and she deliberately leads to a conflict, then there is a problematic situation that must be solved for the possibility of normal communication. Serious problems are strongly discouraged. Avoiding them, you will not be able to find a solution, which means that they will remain and over time will become redundant, even more clogging facts.

The same mother-in-law, for some reason dissatisfieddaughter-in-law, will continue to use rudeness, include other members of the family circle in the conflict, until the forces of the daughter-in-law come to naught. As a result - a grand scandal or, worse, a quiet withering of the daughter-in-law due to fear of frank conversation and solving the problem with the mother-in-law. The reason for ignoring serious problems may be banal fear: fear of failure, fear of losing time and money for solving problems.

Ignore Matrix

Kin Mellor and Eric Sigmund once developed a matrix definition of the degree and object of ignoring. Three different criteria are considered: level, area, type.

The levels of ignoring in this case are considered four. It:

- the availability of opportunities (a person ignores the availability of solutions to the problem as a whole);

- its importance (understanding of the existence of a solution, but an early denial of its effectiveness);

- change of opportunities (understanding of the existence of a solution, but early refusal to apply it);

- personal abilities (impossibility to perform a possible solution because of personal unacceptable attitude to this method).

Areas of ignoring there are three: "I", other people, the situation.

Types of ignoring are an incentive, an opportunity and a challenge.

For these three criteria, a matrix is ​​obtained:

Using this matrix, you can find out whichlevel there is ignoring the problem, and accordingly influence the person in order to encourage the search for a solution to the problem. Search for the "hearth" should begin with the upper row, the leftmost cell, and then descend diagonally.

Ignoring is emotional abuse

How did you come to this conclusion? Often, people deliberately ignore each other in order to punish their inattention. For a guy who is guilty, there will be a painfully indifferent attitude to his attempts at reconciliation on the part of the girl. The chief can apply the same tactics to the subordinate who has committed an oversight in the work, ignoring his attempts to rehabilitate himself. Thus, a person who is ignored in the end can feel like an empty place or become pissed off if you do not stop avoiding it on time. Think carefully before you punish your neighbor in this way: will not this make things worse for you, including you. Ignoring is one of the oldest kinds of emotional violence, while the benefits from it are rarely greater than harm. Any difficult situation must be solved: by talking or collecting information, by using other persons - by any means, but not inactive. An adequate analysis of the situation will make it clear whether ignoring is worth using, one of the oldest types of emotional violence, or using more subtle methods that do not cause psycho-emotional harm to a person. Let's consider several situations with which you can understand where ignoring is applicable.

"Ignore" - useful when ...

Man is too stupid. Yes, you did not retreat, decided to act, bring reasonable arguments, explanations, but the opponent simply does not understand them. You fight over the problem day, week, month, leading up all the old and new facts, but no result. Is it worth it to spend even more time and energy, or better to stand out?

Man is inadequate. If you delve into the essence of delirium, pouring from the mouth of your opponent, it will only clog your own brain and spoil your mood. The grandmother, who was hanging on to a young man in a fixed-route taxi with stories that he looks unseemly, and a verbal fountain about how it was "in my time", can be ignored. Without receiving an answer to her fervent speeches, she will lose interest. In a free society, anyone has the right to look like he himself wishes. Wants guy torn jeans - let him wear, even though he wears a skirt. It's his choice.

The problem is insignificant, and sharpening on itattention can lead to a negative result. The child used a "bad" word. The first time it should be ignored, because after not seeing any reaction from the parents, the child may simply lose interest in this word. But if this happens all the time, it is necessary to solve the problem by quiet conversation with the use of different methods, according to the age of the child.

Do not overdo it. Everywhere a measure is important

Ignoring is the oldest kind of emotionalviolence, but it is not worth bringing to his even older "brother" - indifference. You can get so carried away by keeping away from problems that you really will not care. For example, the constant ignoring of the father's home problems - at first because of fatigue, and then out of habit, but they already do not care, "let her understand the wife." Yes, others can find a solution for themselves, and not the fact that it will satisfy you. But you will not care.